Bigger and Better Than Sex

Posted on Posted in Campus Life, Christ, Culture

This third post in The Five SEX LIES introduces SEX LIE #3: There is NOTHING Bigger or Better Than Sex. Of course, aside from adolescent boys, everyone knows sex isn’t the be all and end all of life.

Or do they? How else could you explain why sex is used to peddle everything  from cars to alcohol to clothing to jewelry to hamburgers to web-hosting. In fact, CS Lewis noticed this promotional trend over 60 years ago (before there was such a thing as web-hosting).

Let’s face it, sex is the universal sales pitch. Consider why most people (not you, of course) will even read this post. Hint: read the title above. (See what I did there?)

Even in the church, many doubt that the glory of heaven could compare to sex. Indeed, most Bible-believing youth and young adults hold sex with such reverence, it’s the primary reason they seek marriage at all.

You can’t fault them for seeing marriage in this light. It’s the natural conclusion of the church’s one-sentence marriage message to unmarried people: wait until marriage to have sex and marry a believer. That advice may be good, but it’s not enough. It sends the right message about sex, but not about marriage, creating what I call God’s sexual false dilemma.

No lie; sex is amazing, but we were made for something bigger. And I mean something bigger besides God. Of course, we were made for Him, but what I’m getting at is something that took me many years to get.

Truth is, we weren’t made for sex anymore than we were made to watch the Super Bowl, eat Godiva chocolate, go skiing in the Rockies, or buy a villa in Paris. All of these things are fine, but they’re all just experiences and we weren’t made primarily for experience. We were made for something bigger! Much bigger.

Did you know that?

Many don’t. Many believe – especially among the millennial generation – that your personal life experiences define you. That’s why so many of us chase experiences like the Holy Grail.

You see it in our entertainment pursuits. (You’ve just got to see that movie!” or “You’ve just got to visit that city!” or “You’ve just got to play that game!”)

You see it in our career pursuits. (“You’ve got to get your degree!” and then “You’ve got to get that internship.” and then “You’ve got to find the right job that fits your passions, skills and gifting.”)

You even see it in our spiritual pursuits. (“You’ve got to try that church!” or “You’ve got to attend that worship conference.” or “You’ve got to go on that mission trip!”)

But life isn’t about pursuits. It’s about people. And we weren’t made for experiences. We were made for relationships!

Nowhere is that more true than with sexual experience, because sex was designed to be shared by two people inextricably joined in a committed relationship of sacrificial service toward a shared life-long mission. It is that relationship that makes sex so extraordinary.

Of course, you can enjoy sexual arousal, discovery and climax apart from marriage. I understand that. But what our over-sexualized culture fails to understand is this: it is the relationship – not the sex – for which our souls thirst.

Let’s go back to the beginning. God did not say, “It is not good for man to be celibate.” He said, “It is not good for man to be ALONE.” God wasn’t trying to solve a sexual problem, but a relational one. (Gen 2:18-20)

The word does not say that “the two were naked and aroused,” but that “the two were naked and unashamed.” Their nudity wasn’t about mere sexual intimacy, it was about total intimacy; in every sense of the word. You can even sense it in Adam’s response after meeting Eve. (Gen 2:21-25)

Did Adam and Eve enjoy sexual relations?

Each of us is living proof. However, the beauty of God bringing Eve to Adam was not the experience it created for him, but the relationship. That’s why the loneliest person in the world may have spent years of their lifetime getting busy in bed, while the most free and passionate man to ever live never had sex in His life. His name was Jesus, and He lived (and lives) for relationship.

Don’t believe the lie that your sexual experience will define you any more than any of your other life experiences. Believe the truth that, for better or worse, your relationships will define who you are. Then let that truth compel you to pursue healthy, life-giving friendships that don’t have anything to do with sex,

[This post just gives you a taste of The Rated SEX Talks. Click the previous link to inquiry about booking the entire discussion series for your college, youth or young adult group.]

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